Missing You

Current Mood: Pensive

Nostalgia
When you've given up something, and you don't realize how important it was to you...until you see something, or hear something or even smell something that reminds of it.
And then that feeling hits you.
The sour taste, that rests not upon your tongue, but rather inside of you, that twists and tangles the very core of you.
No, I'm not talking about missing the love of my life.
You see, all this was brought on by an anime...yes a Japanese animation.
Nodame Cantabile
An anime based around music.
Now, even though I obtained my grades when I was quite young, I was only mediocre on the piano, I was never one that could sight-reading. Music never came to me like that. I had to sit down and practice bar after bar, even though my mind rushed towards playing through the whole piece. My limited patience probably didn't help with practicing either. I was also pushed towards learning the piano, and I for one, never really liked anything that was forced upon me. Hence I picked up percussion in my high school days. To my ultimate dismay, I discovered that rhythm did not come to me easily either. However, my participation in orchestras and musicals kept me from giving up on percussion. Yet, when I finished my schooling and found that my lack of time for practice and lack of instruments to practice on, hindered any improvement and promoted if anything - deterioration in skills, I gave up all together. I was too embarrassed to continue. Especially since there were so many people that were better than me. I felt intimidated.
I gave it all up.
But that anime brought back so many memories...
It brought back my love of music.
My fingertips yearn for the cool touch of ivory. My hands itch to dance across the keyboard, and my eyelids are heavy, as if it's already remembering what it feels like to close and become lost in the melodies of the past.
I want to feel alive. One of my favourite sounds is the sound of an orchestra tuning. I want to feel exhilarated, standing under the bright lights, behind my 4 timpani, mallets in my hand, hearing the low vibrato that rumbles beneath all the other sounds. And If I close my eyes, I can feel the rebound of the mallet after striking a note, I can feel my fingers spreading then applying pressure on the timpani skin, muffling any echoes.
Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Schubert, Stravinsky, Orff,....hell, even stereotypically classical Mozart.
Nostalgia...

Sometimes....

Current mood: Exhausted

Sometimes the blatant truth hurts, but needs to be told to avoid more damages
sometimes, understanding and empathy is the key to many problems
sometimes, numbness and detachment are a double-edged sword...
and sometimes, just sometimes, it's good to just let it all out
and hope that no one is close enough to know....

Dilemma

Current mood: Aggravated

What should I do? Ignore the problem and let it eat away knowing it might change or hinder the relationship in some way or even come back and bite you in the ass, or do I confront the problem?
the more I think about my problems, the more f#@!king irritated, annoyed and angry I get. Grrrrrrr!

Old bag

Current Mood: Irate

I've been feeling quite irritable in the last week. Maybe it's that time of the month...or maybe not. How the f$#!king hell do you tell? For all I know, I could be just turning into some grumpy, impatient old bag!

Current Mood: Restless

I stand, staring into the face of oblivion
Around me, the wind whistles and gurgles
Distantly, I hear the buzzing of the metropolitan night
of zooming cars and pounding music
Suddenly, everything stops.
And all I can hear is the harshness of my breaths...

Blooming and Wilting

Current Mood: Depressed

A cold grip tightened around my heart, and for a fraction of time - the constant drumming seemed to stop...before it continued to pound slowly and deliberately.

Then, there was the onslaught of blood rushing towards my ears and nose. Unshed tears clung onto my lashes as I felt the rims of my eyelids burn. In such an inappropriate time, I dimly pondered on my appearance - I made quite a biased wager against myself that my eyes would already be bloodshot.

Finally, I could feel the first tear fall. So fast, was its journey, that it left only a faint trail of coolness on my cheeks. Contrary to popular belief, the tears did not roll down my face one after the other - it was quite the opposite, actually. I had to almost squeeze them out. This did not mean that I wasn't upset! Of course I was! There was an unsettling amount of sadness, of regret, of pity and of helplessness that was thumping against my emotional defences. Unsettling, as I don't think I've ever seen her.

Yet the more I thought about it, the more my nose became runny and the more my eyes began to sting. The more I thought about it, the more my imagination became a living creature: picturing the discovered body, imagining the urn and the milky white arms holding it close to her breast, fingers gripping so tight that the knuckles turned white. I'd see her body, on a slightly messy, unmade double bed, curled around that simple yet priceless bottle, clinging to it like she was to her sanity...

The worst, was the sentence floating around my head, unable to be shoved into some dark corner of my mind..."I could see the open mouth, the horrifyingly blank eyes, and that image will stay with me forever..."

I wonder if she saw her life flash before her? Did fear claw its way around her heart like it did mine? Did she regret it? Did she see the end coming...and cry out for the one who loved her the most?

It seem so short. Her time. Blooming and wilting, like a tender pink rose, right before our very eyes...

the Pig says...what?

Current Mood: Mischievous

Check out this quiz:
http://www.personalityquiz.net/test/potbellypig.htm
...and tell me the result

^_^

Wheee! It's Free!

Current Mood: Lethargic

The things people do for free stuff!

Ok, I have to admit that I'm one of them...sort of...

Yesterday, I (and my cousin) lined up at the entrance 45 minutes early to be one of the first ones into the Aus Open, headed straight for the Garnier tent. However, by lining up at the other entrance, by the time I walked (NOTE: walked, not run) to the Garnier tent, there was already a huge line. It took me an hour and 20 minutes to get through (also note, that this was the second time I've waited in line for the Garnier stuff - the first time was nearly 2 hours of waiting). Anyway due to the lining up and the rain, all outside matches were more or less cancelled, and Vodafone arena was absolutely packed - a wait of "upwards of 2 hours". Grrr! We were beginning to regret not having better/logical priorities! We were here for the tennis, and there was no way I could watch a match when I needed to leave in 3 hours!

So what did we do?

Lined up once again for Garnier.

Amex...I'm a star!

Current Mood: Silly

My Amex card...(aus open memories included, of course ^-^):

Ergh!

Current Mood: Amused

Today, I sat in Borders for at least three-quarters of an hour, reading (but not finishing) a book that absolutely destroyed more brain cells than it did adding to my knowledge.

Title: A Briefer History of Time
Author: Stephen Hawking
Topic: NO IDEA, something to do with Physics throughout time


Woah! Hold on a sec, did I say Physics?

Could someone please remind me why I didn't continue with physics in VCE?

Hmmm....could it be that *gasp* I HATED IT?

So why did I spend so much time pouring over this book in a bookstore, when I had thousands of other books to choose from? Well, Miranda made it interesting. I mean, this girl normally hates reading, and to hear her talking her reading a book intrigued me. So I sat down next to her and began reading. Now, the topic interested me - about the universe and how physics tied in with it. But surely a whole afternoon reading about quantum physics and relative physics and particles/antiparticles and some grand unified theory of the universe couldn't be right, could it? After all, the author said it, the answer of all the questions the book poses may not be significant, may not even change our lifestyle, but the desire of humans for knowledge and to solve the mystery of existence justifies our search for the answer......or something like that. (note, I did NOT quote...definitely did not quote)

Well, I'm happy just to stay ignorant (which is why I didn't finish the book...that and the fact that I got so frustrated, c'mon! it's physics! PHYSICS!).

So what if there's some other planet out there where we can live? Do I care? I mean in the end, we're all going to die (not to be a pessimist). But honestly! What would you do if there was another world out there? Would you drop everything to go there? Why would you?

I think the reason why people dream of going to another world is because they're not happy with their lives. Big assumption, I know, but think about it! We're looking for a place to almost....infest, because we're destroying our own world. I'm not a greenie by all means but I do care about our environment. When your home is broken/damaged, there are two clear choices: Fix it or Move on. Now, obviously, the problems on our Earth is too big to fix just like that, and honestly, some people don't give a shit about it, so we're moving on.

Anyway, I'm getting off-topic. I'm (currently) content with my life. It could be better, but then again, everyone can say that about their lives. So in no way will discovering a new planet to live on affect me, nor if we discover that our universe is actually on the back of a giant turtle. What are we going to do? Create a spaceship to go talk to the turtle?

Hmmm...I wonder how turtles communicate? Head movements? Right: yes, Left: no, head inside shell: I'm scared, lol

Feeling Cheated

Current Mood: Bitchy

Stupid Personal Care!

I feel so cheated by the fact that other casuals from other departments are getting at least 30 hour weeks, sometimes even 40 or 45 hours, while me, yes lil old me, is estatic with a 20 hour week! Pffft!

Yes, I'm bitter.

I'm bitter like I've just ate 10 lemons with a recently burnt tongue.

Growing up

Current Mood: Cheerful

On Friday, my mum came back from her month long holiday.

When I saw her, I was almost disappointed in myself because I didn't overly feel anything. Sure, I was happy, but I wasn't ecstatic, I didn't feel like I missed her that much. I mean, a month without mum meant that I practically had free reign of the house. I could stay up as late as I want, I could go out as often as I want, I didn't need to clean my room and pick up after myself.

Sounds great, right?

But, as the day wore on, I realised that I did miss her quite a bit. The balance of my family seems so...off without her. We didn't seem like a family without mum, I mean, between work and going out, I barely saw my dad and Miranda. When we did see each other for the occasional dinner, the conversation was very limited and as soon as dinner was over, it would be everybody doing their own thing, with me and Miranda off to our own room. With the risk of sounding EXTREMELY corny, my mum IS the glue that holds us together. Since she's gotten back, the household seems much more lively. I make an effort to get up earlier in the mornings and come home for dinner, we've already had a talk each night about random stuff, some quite deep, others - just holiday stories or family stories. It's just more like ....home.

I guess I should appreciate my mum a little mum, huh? (though, not when we have fights though...haha)
Man...am I growing up? Damn...lol

Laziness

Current Mood: Lethargic

Lately, I've been so lazy. Sure, I've been working almost everyday...but on the days which I don't work, I'm off sleeping until 12 or 1pm, get up to have a brunch and then go to my room and sit in front of the computer all day. I need something more meaningful to do, right? Last holidays, at least I attempted to knit...I mean, I couldn't even be bothered blogging!

*sigh*

Then, when I do go out, for example bike riding to the beach, I just felt so drained, like I could barely muster the energy to stay awake, let alone pedal.

Retail is draining! But I love my department. I mean, for me, it's right next to the perfume section, a dream come true! I've got quite a range of perfumes that I like and a lot of reps that I know, so if I do buy a perfume, I'd get plenty of samples! I've painted my nails in Chanel, done makeup by YSL, used skincare by Shisheido. Wow! But it can also get very boring. I'm mean I was in Manchester today, and I was never bored. I was only folding towels, but that gives me something to do and I can do it while I'm half dead. I'd probably get sick of it after 2 or 3 shifts, but the point is that there's always something to do, whereas in my department, there's only so much makeup that you can tidy, there's only so many perfumes that you can smell. Also, another thing is that it's very satisfying to find a full set of towels for someone, or trying to find a towel or a bath mat that will match their bathroom. It's almost like an interior decorator, which I wanted to be for maybe 2-3 months.

Anyway, back to my point of retail is draining, I swear, people need to grow eyes!! If you do have a pair, GROW ANOTHER! Samples...it is LABELLED! Labelled, I tell you! Clearly says 'tester', don't go bloodly opening another one! And if it's sealed, it means something: DON'T OPEN! Some people just don't have common sense. There's a tester IN the box with ALL THE SAME lipsticks in it. Don't go opening and USING new ones! We then have to go tidying up after everyone's mess. Even in manchester, people go and unfold the towels and just dump them in the table right next door! For goodness sake, all you need to do is to twist your body around, or reach just that bit further and it'll be in the original place. People!

Well, now that I've vented....
Go buy something!
lol