Current Mood: Moody
Moodiness
I've been moody at home lately. It's ironic because I absolutely can't stand people like that. So in other words, I'm not so happy with myself at the moment.
Sometimes it's the smallest things that triggers the sudden change from happy to pissed off. Like just my cousin being a bit inconsiderate or mum telling me, eg. what is causing my back ache even though she doesn't have a clue. It's just small things like that...I want to stop myself from being like this, because people like that, who are touchy/moody about so many things, annoy me as I don't know how to react to them - so I avoid them. So I feel really bad for my family. I want to control myself, I really do! But when those things things happen, fustration just bubbles up inside me. It's like something's compressing my chest, but at the same time, something's building up inside me, and if I don't do anything, I feel like I'm going to burst. My heart feels like it's beating in slow motion - slow, deliberate, heavy THUD, THUD, THUDs. I feel like shutting my eyes so tight that I can't stay in that position for more than a few seconds. I feel like scrunching my fist so severely that my nails dig in and cuts me deep...
I feel like screaming "just leave me alone" or "
Then all of a sudden, it's all gone, just replaced by tiredness and resignation...
It's funny how I rarely am like this at uni or just with friends, but at home lately....
Maybe because sometimes, I feel more understood with my friends. Maybe it's because I don't have anything to live up to with them and so I can act however I want. There are no worries. But then again, it could be because I expect much more from family, I expect them to understand me the way my friends do, even though I've spent more quality time with my friends.....
*sigh*
Life can be so annoying. But I hope I get over this moody-at-home thing. As I've said before, I really don't care for moody people.
