Great, Great....Great?

Current Mood: Exhausted

I'm absolutely dying from exhaustion.

The short version:
A few friends of mine and I went on a road trip down the Great Ocean Road. Great trip. Great company. Great scenery. Great everything except for the last day, when our car broke down at Johanna Beach with only one phone with low battery that had reception...or actually, I got the key wet from the beach, so the car wouldn't start. We had to get a key down from Melbourne, drive all night and arrived home at nearly 7 am. Shower and short nap, work from 9 - 4 (in Ladies shoes no less). An hour power nap before friends came over to unpack and clean the car. Helped my mum pack for her overseas holiday. Slept maybe at 12.30am or 1 am, got up 7 am to open the shop.........................

Maybe the long version will be written of the trip when I'm actually awake and more articulate.......

On a side note: I got kick by a 9 year old today. How depressing!

Wrongly No'ed

Current Mood: Depressed

I said no today (albeit indirectly). And you'd think I'd be happy, right??

Well, once again, I'm left with mentally kicking myself.

Anyway, I "happily" working in logistics for the fourth day in a row (fourth 7am start!!), and probably around 10-ish, this lady with a 'visitors' bag came up to me and started to talk to me, and I was nice and all (as usual, hehe). Then out of the blue, she asked me whether I was interested in another job for city Myer for Capel (*sp*??), anyway, it was $20 an hour, and I'd be working 5 days a week until the end of January. The only problems are that I'd be starting next week when I'm going away and that I won't be needed after January. I didn't show that much interest (hence, indirectly no), so she said to think about it and that she has a meeting with the boss at 11.30. So off I was working in handbags like my manager Jan told me, when I was paged to go to logistics and the guy in charge apparently thought the handbags/wallet sections was absolutely fine without my help and shoved me into intimate apparel. So there I was spending my next 2 hours of my life in a crowded little reserve area, staring at bras and unpacking g-strings and DD's. And I totally missed my chance to give a reply to the other lady - whom I don't even know the name of! I mean, sure I wasn't going to take the job, although I should have....$700-800 per week, after January, my global elective would have been all set!! *sigh*

Sometimes I need some sensibility knocked into my head.

No, No, NO

Current Mood: Frustrated

I wonder why I can never say no...
Is it because I'm a pushover? (I'd hope not) Is it because I don't care enough?
It was like this:

Myer: "I was wondering if you would like to work in logistics from 7 - 12pm on Monday?
Me: "Sure, but I have a shift from 12 - 5.30pm that day."
Myer: "Okay, well, I could ask your department if I can move your shift to 12.45. How about that?"
Me: "Okay, that's fine."

***asks manager, it's all fine***

Myer: "Can you work 7 - 12pm Tuesday and Wednesday as well?"
Me: We're going ice skating on Tuesday, aren't we? should I say no? shit! what do I do?
"Um....okay, sure"
*Meanwhile, mentally kicking myself*

Why can't I say no?????????

Conqueror

Current Mood: Bouncy

Veni, Vidi, Vici

I came, I saw, I conquered

Well, in reality, it's more like - I sat, I wrote, I finished...But what the hell! I'm now in the best moods! I am liberated! I have broken the chains that have shackled me to onerous task of labouring over textbook after textbook, that plunged me into 2am cramming in an undisturbed corner of a dimly lit library, engulfed by heaviness and darkness of night. I've bravely defeated wave after wave of unrelenting exhaustion. I've held my own against the pulsating pressure of headaches. I've attacked 40 lectures of neuro in 3 days. I've rampaged through four consecutive 18 hour days of pure studying.

Veni, Vidi, Vici - I came, I saw, I conquered. Emerging triumphantly. A conqueror.

Actually, I feel like a liberated hermit....a liberated unhealthy-stuffed-full-of-junk-food hermit

The Friday when I finished my 3 hour neuro exam, I was walking through the city and I was absolutely astonished at the senses overload of pop-ish music blasting out of clothing stores, the smell of stores like the Body shop, the aroma wafting out of bakeries, sushi shops and cafes, and most of all - SO MANY PEOPLE!!!

Wow....

But now that my exam periods are over. Today is my official first day of doing nothing. And already, I'm slightly directionless. I have so much I want to do, yet I don't know whether I should start them or not....
oh well, I guess I should just enjoy the nice day. Which reminds me...what kind of a spring is this??? Snowing? Hailing? 14 degree days???? What the hell?!

Alive and Kicking...well sort of...

Current Mood: Dizzy

Just a quick note to say that I'm still alive and kicking.......but barely....all that studying is surely but slowly killing me.

I have all these words floating around in my head like "Broca's area" and "on bipolar cells" and "decorticate lesion" and "basal ganglia" and "opioids" and "dementia"

BUT THEY JUST DON'T LINK UP!!!

I think if study doesn't kill me soon, I'm going to go crazy.........

but yes, I'm still alive.....

Oh, Iron in Life!

Current Mood: Amused

Well, messing around on the net tonight (yes, yes, I know, I should be studying...). ANYWAY, came across these quizzy things. Now, normally, I do these for fun and don't even care about the result (not a lot anyway). But, yes check these out:

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have low agreeableness. Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all. In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted. And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Haha, did you get the "You are very emotionally stable and mentally together" bit? I'm sure that a few of my friends (esp Anny) will disagree, that I can be soooooooo weird and absolutely mentally unstable....
the rest isn't too bad in accuracy, except that it's so general that it can apply to anyone...oh and except this bit "self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all" - that's not true!

Well, after that, another one caught my eye...and the result is....

You Are A Rowan Tree

You are full of charm and cheer. You light up a room. And while you crave attention, you do it without ego. You are an interesting mix of contradictions - and very unpredictable. You are both dependent and independent, calm and restless. You are passionate, emotional, gregarious, and (at times) unforgiving.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

Yes, yes, accurate with the unpredictable bit. But did you see the heading????
I'm a 'rowan tree'!!
Oh! the irony is killing me....................!

Sob Story

Current Mood: Slightly Nauseous

Leading on from last post....WHY MUST EVERYTHING BAD HAPPEN AROUND EXAM TIME?????

Was it the milk and orange juice? was it the fruit I ate at night? was it the salmon (i hope not...)

Well, Wednesday night, while steeling my resolve to do my assignment. I found that I could not concentrate (...more than usual, y'know?), so I decided to go to bed and get up early in the morning to do it. But upon getting into bed, I felt nauseous. So after emptying a little of my stomach contents, I was delusional to believe that everything was fine. However, I awoke to my upset stomach again at 5.40am. So giving up on my assignment, I decided to skip PBL in the morning, and come in at 12.00 for lecture, swing and prac.

However, after waking up at 10.13 to my phone ringing, I decided to skip uni altogether as I was too tired and energyless to travel and that I'd do my assignment and go to swing dancing at night. Having a small bowl of congee for lunch, I sat down in front of my computer, only to feel dizzy and an upcoming headache (it's the bloody journal articles, I tell you! EVIL!!! EVIL!!!).

So anyway, I headed off to bed again, getting out of bed at 6.30pm. Had a slightly larger bowl of congee for dinner, while looking on in envy and slight queasiness as my family indulged in supermarket roast chicken....Finally got around to start my assignment at 10pm. Worked all night. As soon I finished, I had to come into uni to give a belated birthday present to a friend and hand my assignment in...

*sigh*

I was almost as lost as the dayI came in after my 7-hour-sleep-in-2-days day. I think my ankle gave way a total of 6 times. I fell down a few of college's stairs...walked around aimless, debating whether I should get something to eat because I was really hungry and risk throwing up on the train or whether to starve until I get home for more congee...I was really glad I chose the safe starving, I don't think throwing up on the train would be good for my already deflated daily dignity levels....
hmmm, need to thank him for being so worried about me...I was really out of it, wasn't I?

well, I really shouldn't ramble on. Should sleep to build up my energy levels, as I have work tomorrow.

A Slight Detour

Current Mood: Okay

Why must bad things always happen around exam time? Colds, fights with mum, computer breakdowns...

Well, I wasted today getting my damn computer fixed. I was seriously so scared I'd lose everything, mostly my music. Oh, and lecture recordings...

So yeah, fixing my computer and getting manicure took up my whole day.

Manicure? What manicure? Wasn't I suppose to study all day??? Well, the story:
I got called up at 11.30am, while I was still in the computer store. "Hey Mel, I got client day today, we're doing manicures. Are you free at 1.30?"

Who can resist a free, FREE, manicure? So off I went. I drove around the city for 20minutes till I found a 2hour parking spot nearing Monash Uni. It was a 25min tram ride and walk to the place, that left an hour to do the manicure, and half an hour to get back. Perfect, right. RIGHT????

Well, I've apparently forgotten that trainees take longer than professionals. And although it was a good job. It took friggin 2 HOURS! On my way back, I was praying so hard not to get a parking ticket....

*sigh*

Well, at least it was a free manicure - with a salt scrub, hand massage and paraffin wax.

Aside from the stressfulness of the situation, today cost me absolutely nothing. Yay!

Though, most of the manicure got damaged by the time I dug my car keys out from the bottom of my bag....sorry Juls!

Now, all I have to do is study!!!

Green Eyes

Current Mood: Annoyed

Tonight was the first time I've ever experienced sibling jealousy.

Fair enough - granted that I'm the only child...

But my dad came home tonight with a bike for my cousin. I might have mentioned that she's been wanting a bike for quite a while. And although it wasn't brand new, it was the fact that he just went and bought her a bike when I've never got something like that when I was small. I've always wanted a pair of rollerblades, a bike, a nintendo when I was small, and my parents never got me any of those. I had to learn how to rollerblade and ride a bike from my cousin Mary.

I know it's really petty of me. I mean, my cousin and her family has been through some really tough times - way more than our family. And she's here all alone. I'm (almost) all set for life, with a job - earning money, a good course, potentially a job as soon as I graduate, I have my family with me. I mean, I shouldn't be feeling anything but happiness for her, right? RIGHT?

I just can't help it.................!!!

It's been building up the last 2 and a bit months that she's been here. Just little things/habits that annoy me. Like, the way she asks for my things - I'm happy to lend her things, but just ask more nicely! Some things I lend her, never seems to make it back to me, or if they are returned, she doesn't tell me, and I see it sitting on my dresser. Now, my mum knows that I ABSOLUTELY hate her going into my room without asking me (although she still does - but she's my mother!), so it really annoys me that my cousin does it too. Hmmm...I've noticed that I'm very territorial...
So, anyway the point is that I can't really tell her off without making her feel really bad, sad, unwanted...blah blah. Plus, I'd feel guilty about that. Plus plus, I probably do some stuff that she's not use to as well, yeah? So with all these niggly things and the bike incident tonight, I've discovered my green eyes.

I really don't want to feel this way - though I must say, that I'd probably look sexy with green eyes...hahahahahaha

Ah-hem, anyway, I really must be more accepting of things.

Post it Note

Current Mood: Sleepy

I absolutely love my poster of Johnny Depp. Everytime I go into my room and I see that poster, I feel so girlie...I kind of grin, and squeal - well not quite squeal but kind of "aww", he's gorgeous type thing...

Anyway, just to add to my randomness. Is it selfish of me to love my teddy so much?

I said I wouldn't trade it for 1 billion dollars, but think of all I can do with that much money! I can help so many people with that money, so many poor countries! Think of all the starving kids! But I still feel reluctant to give it up. Is it wrong of me to be so attached to something that's not alive? I mean, it has a ton of sentimental value, but it's not like the teddy's alive to talk to me, or be my best friend...even so, I wouldn't even trade it for one that's identical, or one that's identical but clean and white and one which the stuffing is all stuffed up...so am I being selfish?

On another note, I'm starting to get stressed about exams.....but am sooooooo sleepy at the moment....

night

A Taste of New with Old

Current Mood: Indescribable

So the past week has been mixed for me. I've experience many things that I've experienced before...but spiced up...I guess that's the only way I can describe it.

Firstly, Road Rage!! I've experience road rage before, especially if you've ever been to China! Now that's one hell of a road rage breeding ground. I've screamed, I've yelled, I've told my dad to toot the horn, I've tooted the horn! But have never done anything outrageous.
So yes, last Sunday, I was turning out of my side street onto the main road with oncoming traffic, when I decided to be in a foolishly brave mood. In other words, I did not give way...I mean, it was still safe! The next car was still quite a few metres away! I assumed that my cutting in front of that car caused some form of braking as the guy decided to beep me.
Anyway, we stop at the intersection, and he pulled up to my right. Now, I knew he was going to do something to me, so I purposely looked the other way for a while, ignoring him. Unfortunately, I turned to talk to my cousin and saw that guy (probably in his 50's) leaning eagerly/angrily over his open window, looking at me. Then almost in slow motion, I saw him stick his finger up at me, I turned away, and impulsively stuck my finger back at him. A moment later, the light turned green and I zoomed off.
Now why is it that after an event happens, you think of the right/witty/funny thing to say? Because as I was driving off, I had the urge to roll down my window and yell "Just suck it up like a man!"
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time...

Second thing, work at Myer. I've done heaps of customer service/cash register stuff with the shop, but this was the first time doing it formally. I had a good time actually. It was like playing shop when you were young. But yes, funny thing was that I remember her story about getting hit in the wrong place...and I thought to myself - that won't happen to me. But alas, it did! Twice!
Once was because I went to a different register and every register opens at a different speed (I never realised!) So yes, that was the 2nd register I was on, and it just popped open, quick as lightening! Didn't even know what hit me! Until the onset of pain, of course...And the other time, I was just lost...I wasn't concentrating and forgot that the register actually opens...hmmm, stupid mistake. Won't happen again.

Thirdly. I've been asked out before, but never face to face. So that's what happened today. And do you know how hard it is to decide then and there? It was so much easier to accept/reject if it was over the phone or msn or email or sms....*sigh*. It was very ironic to happen on the day when honestly 1 hour and 15 mins earlier, I was saying that I wasn't actively looking for a boyfriend - if it happens, it happens.
I'm very lost on what to do...might need to sleep on it.

Clearing the Air

Current Mood: Exhausted

I think I may have given people the wrong idea when I said, "you can tell how much a person knows you from the presents you get". I wouldn't judge people on what they get me. I mean, I'd be happy with anything. But, with really good friends who know me, just go that extra little bit and get something original and different, and you're just like "Wow! I LOVE this!". And through that, you just know that they know you.
But, as I said, I'm happy with whatever I get. Though, saying that, I still do have favourites - eg. the hat with Crocs on it. (THANKS MANDA!) Coz everyone knows that Crocs Rocks (wayyyyyyyyyyyy more than seniors and reserves!)
Anyway, on another note, I'm getting really into swing now. That group charleston just did it for me, and of couse Harry leading me. Boy, he's a good lead! and sh*t, those aerials were crazy!I'm really looking forward to our next practise session!

Woe, Oh Woe!

Current Mood: Moody

Moodiness

I've been moody at home lately. It's ironic because I absolutely can't stand people like that. So in other words, I'm not so happy with myself at the moment.

Sometimes it's the smallest things that triggers the sudden change from happy to pissed off. Like just my cousin being a bit inconsiderate or mum telling me, eg. what is causing my back ache even though she doesn't have a clue. It's just small things like that...I want to stop myself from being like this, because people like that, who are touchy/moody about so many things, annoy me as I don't know how to react to them - so I avoid them. So I feel really bad for my family. I want to control myself, I really do! But when those things things happen, fustration just bubbles up inside me. It's like something's compressing my chest, but at the same time, something's building up inside me, and if I don't do anything, I feel like I'm going to burst. My heart feels like it's beating in slow motion - slow, deliberate, heavy THUD, THUD, THUDs. I feel like shutting my eyes so tight that I can't stay in that position for more than a few seconds. I feel like scrunching my fist so severely that my nails dig in and cuts me deep...
I feel like screaming "just leave me alone" or "

Then all of a sudden, it's all gone, just replaced by tiredness and resignation...

It's funny how I rarely am like this at uni or just with friends, but at home lately....
Maybe because sometimes, I feel more understood with my friends. Maybe it's because I don't have anything to live up to with them and so I can act however I want. There are no worries. But then again, it could be because I expect much more from family, I expect them to understand me the way my friends do, even though I've spent more quality time with my friends.....

*sigh*
Life can be so annoying. But I hope I get over this moody-at-home thing. As I've said before, I really don't care for moody people.

La La La

Current Mood: Befuddled

How do you know when you're a bit more wiser?

Back when I was into Korean music, there was this one Korean singer who always sung ballads (very nice ones) but her video clips were absolutely tragic, morbid, sad but some were all those and CONFUSING.

Well, 2 or so years on, I thought that I'd be a bit more wiser - at least understand more things in life, so I went and looked at her new video clips. To my utter disappointment, THEY STILL CONFUSE THE HELL OUT OF ME.
Perphaps the fact that I'm not Korean, and can't read some of the characters which is part of the reason why I'm confused...Maybe, I haven't grown any wiser...but as I've asked, how do you know?

Maybe, she's gotten wiser too - and made even more confusing MVs.....

Oh, and for you, your much wanted David Tao music! Enjoy

David Tao - The Moon Represents My Heart
David Tao - Melody

I thought that I'd chuck this one in too, since I'm uploading music and I was talking about the very morbid ballad singer...I know that many of you are not very "ooh ahh" bout my Asian music, but.......why not?
Lee Soo Young - Grace

It's Great To Be A Girl

Current Mood: Tired

It was end of season party for our Senior and Reserves footy teams, which means one thing - DRINKING!

Interesting night. Only cost me $5.50.

2nd cheapest night out, only behind the night we went out swing dancing.

I had 4 drinks in the space of an hour and 20mins (including a game of pool and listening to some speeches), and only bought 1 out of the 4 - my $5.50. I probably could have spent nothing (which was what happened to Amanda, but then again, she only had 2 glasses of sparkling), but it was a tad boring as I didn't know the guys well enough to strike up a long conversation, so drinking was the only other option.... So, yes, as the title suggest, it's great to be a girl. (As opposed to Keegs - who had to buy all his drinks).

It was a shame that I was so sensible and decided to stop drinking so early, before I get a bit too dizzy in a room full of guys...then I could have conned persuaded more guys to buy me more drinks...

Just another thought, I should play pool more while I'm moderately tipsy. My aim seems to be better. I got quite a few balls in yesterday, and I did not once rely on my fluke!

First Time?

Current Mood: Thoughtful

When was the first time you knew what sex actually was?
See, today my cousin brought up the topic of 'the bases', and as you know, there's the naughty and nice versions. So, it was kind of awkward trying to explain to her the naughty version was - and she was absolutely shocked to find that there's stuff you do between just kissing and sex... *sigh* talk about innocence...
Anyway, she remembers the time she first learnt that sex was real, and what it involves. She told me she almost didn't believe it and that it took her ages to accept it. Then she asked me when I first learnt of it. And to tell the truth, I can't remember at all. I remember talking about it in grade 5 or so, when one of my friend was telling some dirty stories, but can't remember when I first learnt of sex. I must have not been very shocked, or else I would have remembered....
Oh well...

Drawn Together

Current Mood: Cheerful

I spent a whopping 12 HOURS with some of my close friends today.
It blows my mind to think about how it's possible for us to spend so much time together lately without getting sick of each other...not that I mind at all. I had SO MUCH fun today. We had a lecture in the morning, followed by badminton, watching the 1st episode of the 3rd season of House (which was an awesome episode...), had lunch and then coffee (where we stayed for over 2 hours), 2 dinners and finally 15mins walking around trying to find a desert place but not succeeding. We talked about the most random topics, decided to climb a tree in uni before we graduate and found a really really HOT men's shirt and pants. I love spending that much time just talking like that. I swear, we could have spent way more than 2 hours at Animal Orchestra (coffee place). It's refreshing to know that with the right friends, you can never run out of things to say, and you find that you just wanna spend more and more time with them. It's a warm fuzzy feeling.

There's only half a month till my b'day...was asked what I wanted. I could tell people, but sometimes, I want to be surprised. You can tell how much a person knows you from the presents you get. Unfair at times, I know, but it's very true. See, if someone gave me a diary or calendar or chocolates, I would only say that they're friends. If someone gave me earrings or makeup/beauty products or a cute soft toy etc, I would say they're friends that know me quite a bit. If they got me a dress/top/shoes/bag/book/music etc, that I love, I'd say they are close friends, because you have to know the person's style and tastes before you can buy something like that, and it takes time to know that, (or you could just be an extra observant person). If they got me something personalised yet so me - even better!
On another note, since there's only half a month till my birthday, there's only half a month left till I get my JOHNNY DEPP POSTER!!! Yay! I've already decided where on my wall it's gonna sit...

I think this album cover is absolutely fan-bloody-tastic. I'm in love with this. It's eerily beautiful. Heavy yet ethereal feel. She's almost like a divine being leaving the mortal world for the heavens...kind of...can't really describe it.
What do you guys think?

Bonding and Waxing

My cousin and I spent a nice time bonding today. Do you realise that lots of girls bond while doing stuff like shopping, gossiping/complaining or beautifying themselves? Well, I've never really fallen into the 'beautifying' category until today (technically yesterday night)....But yes, we bonded nicely over waxing and painting nails WHILE watching footy. Weird as, considering we usually bond over food (mostly baking - and eating), but it was really nice. but I'm so disappointed MELBOURNE LOST!!!
It was a hilarious situation, as my cousin's never waxed before. She was quite scared of the pain - which no matter how many times I assured her that it doesn't hurt AND how many times I actually waxed her, she was still really tense. So it ended up being a matter of distraction.
"Look, Melbourne's kicking a goal!"
"Huh?"
~~rip~~
Hehe...

On another note
Had hydro today, stu-pid me didn't realise that YOU SHOULD NEVER TRUST PUBLIC TRANSPORT. So ya...I missed a connecting tram (it might have been early...or did not come at all!), and hence a connecting bus. I was stressing for 20 minutes, before realising that the class started at 2.30, not 2.00 -_-;; So I ended up taking a different bus and walking 22 minutes....

Sunshine and Bath towels

On a lighter note from my previous post an hour ago, just took a shower and realised another reason why I love sunny days...
so aside from the lovely warmth and beach weather and blah blah blah....I get fresh towels!!! So not like the ones in winter, when I've been through my designated 2 towels and have to make do with a slightly dry yet still damp towel... these ones are absolutely dry, are warm(-ish) and smells nice - sunkissed...wowwwww! I think I'm in love with the thought of summer...

Blacks, Whites and Shades of Grey: Smudged Edges

Was watching an episode of All Saints today...yes I know I should have been studying, 6 weeks to revise 8 weeks of neuro is definitely not enough, but alas, I seem to never be in the mood.......

Anyway, the episode is about the controversial topic of euthanasia...which my friends and I were conveniently discussing yesterday - (must be psychic ^_^)
So this 15 year old boy, Kasey, has muscular dystrophy, and it's at a pretty bad stage (he's even lost his swallowing ability). And for months he's been begging his dad to kill him, and finally his dad agrees and even promises. He plans a perfect day, tells Kasey how much he loves him, and then crushes some drugs and puts it into Kasey's tube. The dad is so nervous that he spills half of the drugs. Then, AFTER pouring the drugs in, he decided he couldn't go through with killing his son, calls the ambulance and revives his son. Son wakes up. Son is furious/hates dad.

Anyway, Kasey is very bitter, depressed, angry...all those things you'd feel if you were slowly dying, I guess. But he asks the nurses to kill him. The nurses, although having medical and legal obligation, do have their personal views. And this one line struck me...
"We're more humane to our animals"
And isn't it true???
If a dog/cat gets hit and is definitely going to die, they're put down. As are animals with fatal diseases like cancer. They don't get chemo, and don't receive palliative care and the family don't wait for them to slowly die. But for us, humans, we do. We try everything possible to save lives, and if we can't, we just drug 'em up with morphine, make them 'comfortable'. Then what? To put it morbidly, we wait for them to die.

Is it an act of kindness? or is it cruelty? Maybe it's just selfishness...

Then there was another line that struck me...
"Do you think he'll still want to die if he had some girl that's crazy about him?"
On the other hand...
If you think about it, there is a point. If they had something to live for, do they still want to die?? Most of the people who are going to die and want to be euthanized are depressed, or have given up. It's the relatively easy way out (not that suffering is endorsed....). And sure we have psychiatrists and psychologists and social workers and bunch of medical and allied health staff. But WHO ARE WE to decide? Are we mature enough? Are we emotionally detached enough? Do we know the patient's life and their family's lives and all of their personalities enough to make an educated decision? MOST IMPORTANTLY, how do we know if the patient's intentions are "good"...? Have they just got their prognosis, and have just given up? Even if we only allow euthanasia towards the latter stages of the disease, how do we decide when is the right time? Medically? Physically? Emotionally?

Also what's the difference when a doctor calls time of death after trying to resuscitate every possible way but failing, and trying to treat a disease every possible way but failing and give them a quick and painless death???

Finally, are we game enough to play God? For those who don't believe in a divine presence...are we game enough be make a certain group of HUMANS more superior? To give them the power to decide if the person who wants to die is worthy enough to die????
Most importantly, if we cross that line, WILL WE REGRET IT ONE DAY?

*sigh*
I'm getting a headache...
Must stop thinking...
might go and have some chocolate...
g'night

Randomness of Thoughts

Have you ever seen someone and just assumed that they're Chinese...or Indian...or African...whatever...?
Once was back in mid-high school. An elderly Vietnamese just came up to me and started to speak to me in Vietnamese. I was stunned for quite a few seconds before saying (in English) that I couldn't speak Vietnamese. She immediately stopped and just walked away...
But yes, the incident that brought on this "fond" memory happened this morning, as I was waiting for the tram with 7 loaves of bread. Yes, 7 loaves. Anyway, I was there waiting impatiently, when I hear this soft 'ni hao'. Freezing for a second, I decided that it could be my slightly frozen, delusional mind or it could be that Indian/Sri Lankan (no assumptions, mind you) stand a little way back, talking to me...
Playing it safe, I ignored it, and so the waiting continued. As the tram was about to pull up, I made eye contact with that person. He smiled at me.
Him: "Ni hao"
Me: "Uhh...pardon?"
Him: "Ahem, I said, ni hao"
Me: "Umm.........hi?"
Him: "I studied a little Chinese."
In my mind: 'so I hear...."
See, why do people automatically assume you're of a certain background? I mean, I do it too...but it doesn't mean I can't question that habit.
I've now decided that when people ask me where I'm from, I will answer "Australia".
Which is exactly what I did on Friday. It was Asian night at the club...
Asian guy: "So what are you?"
Me: "uhh, Australian"
Asian guy (in a surprised and slightly confused tone): "oh, okayyyy..."

Which leads me to another thought. Talking in nightclubs (or shouting, rather) is absolutely stupid. I had to keep asking people to repeat what they were saying, and if I didn't get it by the second or third time, I would just nod and smile as if I totally understood what they said. If they looked at me expectantly, I'd just make up something (at one stage I didn't even know what I made up! I didn't even make a sound, my mouth just moved!) and they'd smile and nod as if they understood everything. Absolute crap I tell you! You couldn't have understood what I said, especially if I didn't even know what I said!!!

*Sigh*

I passed my Bronze medal! Yay! Damn, I was soooooooo nervous! By the end of the routine, my mouth was so dry. I don't think I've danced as badly as that (I felt like a puppet being dragged around by the guy...though my mark said otherwise...) I just knew I could have done better. Stu-pid nerves!

*Sigh*
I ate a lot today...no surprises there...

oh, and WE WON!!!! Whoo-hooo!!! Go the Unders! (but crocs still rocks!)

and on the note of the unders winning, Theo gave me an really really unexpected hug. Geez, I was just saying bye...but I guess he had reason to be so happy. Hmmm, was really worried about my earring digging in his face, but I guess he was too happy to notice....

Dawning of a New Era

Well, I've decided to be a sheep...Not literally, of course! But upon realising that most of my closest friends are 'bloggers', I finally decided to start one too. So I'm following the crowd, the trend, being a sheep - however you want to describe it.
Hopefully this will be more regularly updated than my pathetic attempts at keeping a journal...I'm always excited by the prospect of filling up a nice new book with my beautiful writing but by the end, beautiful becomes illegible and the book is found in some abandoned corner of my room with the last entry dated 1 or 2 years ago... So my goal is to keep writing in here at least once a week.
Wish me luck!